Mar 6, 2012

Second Campaigner challenge

 Since I missed the first challenge due to crazy busyness, I'm determined not to miss out again!  This one gives a variety of prompts and choices to fulfill - go here to see the photos and catch up.

Flash fiction - under 200 words

Fighting the Light

It really sucked to be poor. As he sifted through the dump searching for food, Dem remembered happier days before his parents were killed by the lighting strike. Back then, the rain still came, occasionally so hard Dem would watch its glistening funnels dance across the river. Now the river was dried up, his parents were gone and instead of clouds, the sky was webbed with deadly golden tendrils of heat.
"That kid is going to get struck," Lara said, lifting hair wet with sweat off her neck. Dem followed her gaze to see a child chasing a ball across the broken bridge. Tendrils coiled above the boy’s head.
"Hey!" Dem yelled, already running, Lara beside him. The boy kicked and played, oblivious to the lightning above. Dem wanted to run faster but he was too weak; the light hit, blinding him. A hand closed around his arm, pulling him to safety. Something sharp jabbed his leg as he collapsed next to Lara.
"We tried," Lara said. Rust from the bridge piling flaked off on her skin.
Dem thought of the boy-shaped pile of ash above their heads. "But it's never enough."

24 comments:

A.E. Martin said...

Wow, the poor boy on the bridge! Sounds like a scary world, great job at pulling me in!

Liza said...

Nice use of the prompts. I liked this! (#30)

Cynthia said...

Melodie, I liked how you used the prompts. It's too bad they couldn't save the boy but I'm hoping there's more to the story. I would like to read more so I'm "following" you now.

#35

Sarah B said...

Good job. :)

Linda Jackson said...

Melodie, I loved your piece so much that I took on the challenge as well. :)

S.P. Bowers said...

Interesting story. I'm glad they at least tried to save the boy. Civilization is over when no-one tries anymore.

Suzi said...

Wow. I've got so many questions flying through my head. I wish I could read more.

Ashley Nixon said...

Poor kid. All of that has to be traumatizing to watch. But great job bringing the prompts together!

Sarah Pearson said...

So sad. Excellent job with the prompts.

prerna pickett said...

great entry. I wanted to stop by and let you know I gave you a few awards over at my blog, and tagged you. Stop by to claim you prize.

Emily R. King said...

I could see this happening perfectly. Nice job!

Morgan said...

Oooo... you're quite the descriptive writer... I like that. And I felt like you fit a whole story in there without it being wordy--it was really nice. "Liked" ;)

Carrie Butler said...

...Let me say it. C'mon, please? I haven't had a reason to say it for a while!

Ahem.

"Dun, dun, dunnnn!" :D

Great work, Melodie!

Rain Laaman said...

Nice job making me feel tense in under 200 words!

Kevin Hiatt said...

Really interesting idea, the killer lightning that leaves the person in shape but burnt to ash, creates a very captivating image.

Kevin, (#19)

Rek said...

Congratulations! You have been shortlisted to move onto stage two

Deana said...

How sad. What a crazy world to live in! Always fearful of the sky above. Loved it!

Melissa said...

Very nice imagery! Sad, but great entry.
Melissa Maygrove #14

Emily S said...

I love the use of the golden tendrils, how they changed the world. I wonder how they got there. Maybe something from space that drifted over Earth?

C.M.Brown said...

It is such a pity they didn't save the boy! Nice use of the prompts, well done!

mish said...

Well written piece!
Vivid images - I could see the episode unfolding in my mind's eye...
I'm no.#103

KSCollier said...

You definitely sucked me in from the start. I want more! Good job. You used the prompts well.

Treelight said...

A bit grim, but nevertheless well written. I liked "deadly golden tendrils of heat" very much!

(I'm #62)

Traci Kenworth said...

Oh, how sad. I wish that he'd made it. Great story.