Oct 18, 2011

Monster on the beach

The third Campaign challenge is afoot!! Yahoo! This one sounds like the most fun. The rules are below...let's see if I can pull this off. *cracks knuckles*

Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:
  • that it’s morning, 
  • that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
  • that the MC (main character) is bored
  • that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
  • that something surprising happens.
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise."   (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).
It is SOOO hot out here. Seriously, hello global warming. I fan myself and eat a Tacise, which is so cool and pepperminty I want to rub it all over my body. 
Especially the peppermint because something kinda smells.
I peer at the woman sprawled out on the beach towel beside me. She's spilling out of her red Synbatec bikini like an overstuffed bratwurst.  An open tube of coconut-scented sunscreen lies next to her.
On the other side of me, a bunch of kids are making a sand castle. One little boy is crying, yelling something that sounds like 'wastopaneer.' I listen carefully to realize he's saying he 'wants to play here.'  
The smell isn’t from the fat woman or the kids.
I put my hand up to stare at the horizon, where Gull Island is just visible. When I was a kid, horrible smells used to drift inland from that place. Rumors said the government was experimenting on animals out there, turning them into freaks. But that was years ago.
That smell is horribly familiar, though – rancid and greasy, as if someone mixed rotting fat with manure.
Sand grits between my teeth. I should move downwind.
I rise to pick up my towel, snapping it to dust off the sand. And then I scream.
There’s a claw attached to a skeletal hand poking up right where I sat. It’s a human hand…but the claw could belong to a dinosaur. It twitches.
I scream again and the kids come running over.
“Cool!” one of them yells and then the sand erupts. There’s a blur of huge, skinless body, of  a snapping, beak-like mouth and blazing red eyes. Everyone scatters…except the crying boy.
He wasn’t fast enough.
He’s gone.
And I don’t think anyone will want to play here ever again.

30 comments:

Jess said...

Whoa! That was creepy! Love it!! Very surprising and wonderful imagery! You have my vote and follow :)

(I'm entry #5)

Jennifer Pickrell said...

hah, love the use of 'wastopaneer!'

prerna pickett said...

wow, the end is super creepy and unexpected.

Steph Schmidt said...

Wow, I know you hinted at the dark mentioning the animal testing on the island but wow. The ending had me wanting to crawl under the covers.

Deana said...

Oh man and she was sitting on it! That poor poor boy:( Great job Melodie!

Mel Fowler said...

Oh my heck, your story is awesome! I loved it. Great job.

Sheri L. Swift said...

Very creative having it beneath you! Love *Gull Island*, great use of the words! ; )

Katie Dodge said...

Oohh, creepy! Great story. :)

Miranda Hardy said...

Creepy and exciting. I love horror. Good job with the challenge.

Lesann Berry said...

I've been selected as a judge for the final challenge in the Third Platform Building Campaign - and I'm happy to announce that your entry has been chosen to advance to the next phase of judging as a quarter-finalist.

Well done and congratulations!

Elizabeth Varadan aka Mrs. Seraphina said...

Ohh, well done! You sucked me right into the story. Great use of the challenge words. Nice background about Gull Island. And good, descriptive writing. Tight ending. You have my vote. I'm following you, too.

I'm number 35.

Jen said...

You lulled us into a false sense of security at the beginning there! Great job, and fantastic ending!

Mine is #25.

Carrie Butler said...

Gah! Don't scare me on the day there are dangerous animals running loose all over my area! ;) (Did you hear about that? It's all over the news now.)

Great job on the entry! The end was such a creepy twist. I loved it! :)

kmckendry said...

Yikes that was a creepy ending!

K.T. Hanna said...

Love this one, especially the surprise at the end. Although my favourite line was: She's spilling out of her red Synbatec bikini like an overstuffed bratwurst.
I laughed out loud at that.

Great work!

Ryan said...

Oooo scary!!!

Jolene Perry said...

LOVE THE CREEP FACTOR HERE :D

Sarah Pearson said...

Congratulations on moving on in the competition :-)

David Powers King said...

That is one freaky ending! Nice one! :)

Lola Sharp said...

Hello fellow Campaigner! *waves hello* Your newest follower here. Nice to meet you. :)

Whoa. LOVED the ending, skinless bodies and all.
"He's gone." was perfect and chilling.
I also enjoyed the voice of this piece. Well done.

Hugs,
Lola

Abby said...

*Shrieks!* This is awesome! Totally unexpected and perfect for halloween. You totally freaked me out, which means... you're getting my vote!

I'm #58. Come check it out if you want. :)

Jessica Therrien said...

AAAAH! That was awesome! I loved the end so much. I honestly didn't see it coming AT ALL. You got me good. I'm #70 :)

Angela Cothran said...

Vivid descriptions :) I especially like the "bratwurst" one. Nice job!

bridgetstraub.com said...

Oh dear, didn't see that coming! Mine is #56

Alyssa said...

Woah! Creepy! Great job :D

I'm entry #69

Ruth Hartman Berge said...

I could sure visualize that! If it were a movie, that thing jumping out of the sand would make the entire theater jump!

Bethany Lopez said...

Fantastic! Great use of the challenge words and description! I am #83

Joanna said...

Awesome, spooky and visually very vivid. Well done!

Medeia Sharif said...

I loved how you used the words and that was quite a twist at the end. :)

Maeve Frazier said...

Freaky, creepy and fantastic! Great job!