I'm soooo excited about this final week in Deana Barnhart's blogfest. This week my YA mystery, Saving Andromeda comes out of the vault for my initial revisions - which will be major - so I covet your suggestions on how to make this better. I've fiddled with the word choice in this, particularly the part about the sister - she's white and gold, etc.
Those of you born editors, have at it. Please let me know if it's not clear Buddy is Andie's brother in the second main graph. I might need more words there. This whole prologue is only 300 words and I'd like to keep it as tight as possible. This is a mystery so you should have questions - I wrote it that way on purpose! :)
Thanks in advance and I look forward to reading/commenting on all the other first 200s!
Nineteen years ago
Blood was everywhere.
Only some of it belonged to Andromeda.
Ricky Murphy lay in the entryway in front of them, his mouth twisted in a snarl. His hands clawed at the gaping wound in his stomach, catching on intestines leaking like soft grey rope.
“Bitch,” he muttered, panting.
Buddy grunted and Andie reached for his hand without looking at him. The image of her brother’s broken face was seared in her mind– four squares of skin split by jagged scars so raw they looked like a cross drawn by a preschooler with a red marker.
Their sister leaned over Ricky, her blond hair sliding over one shoulder. In the dim light of the hall, she was a figure of white and gold, her eyes glittering like sea glass.
“They’re waiting for you in hell, Ricky,” she murmured, one ruby-tipped finger caressing his pallid skin. “Go on, now.”
Ricky flinched but couldn’t move away.
The knife handle grew sticky in Andromeda’s palm. It was their father’s best fillet knife, its blade wickedly curved like a scimitar. She’d watched Dad gut countless flounder with it after he’d pounded their heads to pulp with an oar.