How to support a writer in submission hell

1. Don't ask me if the book has sold. Trust me, if it had you would know. Right away. Probably even before my husband.

2. DO send me chocolate to ease my angst. Or better yet, a chocolate colored kitten that looks like this:

SO CUTE

3. Don't call me if you have a 212 area code. I will freak out thinking it's my agent and then be depressed all day when it's not.

4. DO send me photos of funny cats. I could use the distraction.

5. Don't google my name. (This is a tough one, I know.) My fevered brain will assume the googler is an interested editor and make up all kinds of pointless/impossible fantasies involving cups of tea, immediate bonding and walks in Central Park.

6. DO send me free books or ARCs. If I'm not laughing at cats, I'd love to lose myself in someone else's (successful) story.

7. Don't send me links to other authors out on sub who have sold in two minutes, or taken two years....or never sold...*bites nails*

8.  DO host a contest that features either a) funny cats or b) free books/ARCs. I will enter it. Heck, I may even co-host it! And do all the work required!

9. Don't ask me to beta and then be surprised when all you get back is gobbeldy-gook because my fevered brain is, well, fevered. Give me a few weeks to get over myself. Then beta-ing will be a good idea.

10. DO say a prayer, commit to a 24-hour fast or send good thoughts up to the God of Literary Devices on my behalf. I promise to do the same for you. Lord really knows, I can use whatever help He's willing to provide.